Consumerism

 

So I got like things ‘coming up’ that I ‘need’. Like for instance now it’s this pants to wear under this dress that I have cause I would like to wear the dress but without those kind of pants I will likely not wear the dress. So I want to make it easier for myself to wear this dress by buying those pants. But now there is this point coming up of like I want to live sustainably and what if what I am doing, as in buying so many products so conveniently from amazon and these online retailers is actually harmful for the environment and what if I am creating consequences that are contributing to the demise of planet earth by consuming too much. And then I get conflicted between my ‘want’ and my ‘conscience’.

In the end mostly my ‘want’ wins cause I deem that I do ‘need’ this item that I have been thinking of getting, so also just to get rid of this inner conflict between ‘should I get it’ and ‘shouldn’t I get it’, I just do the thing and get it over with. So then I am satisfied and ‘quiet’ for a while, as in no ‘wants’ coming up, but then soon enough there will be a new thing. Something new that pops into my head that I ‘want’ and that I start thinking I ‘need’ to get. So I am at an impasse a little bit as I don’t really know what to do here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my Amazon purchases are ‘evil’ and that I am contributing to some evil harmful machine of consumerism that is destroying life on earth with pollution

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I were to purchase these pants off of Amazon, that I am contributing to the detriment of society and earth and the demise of my own future and life here on earth

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am participating in consumerist society and toxic behavior of over-buying and buying cheap items resulting in over-pollution

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in ‘conscience’ wherein I am stuck in my ‘fears’ of being ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ or fear of facing consequences later on, instead of being self-honest about who I am in relation to consumerist society and the convenience of buying things online and buying anything I want on a whim

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ‘wrong’ as in to fear that I am to ‘blame’ and that I am guilty and that I will be ‘to blame’ for the demise of earth and the destruction of our natural world and the inevitable inhabitability of the planet I live in

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my actions when it comes to ‘consumerism’ where I impulsively buy whatever pops into my head as a ‘want’ by actually questioning that apparent ‘need’ as the thought and experience that ‘pops up’ in my head

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stuck in a ‘battle’ between the ‘want’ to get this thing and the fears and thoughts in my mind of being part of consumerist society and acting in ways that are harmful for life on earth through over-consuming and also buying things that aren’t produced ‘ethically’ – instead of stepping out of these ‘experiences’ so that I can focus on what is important rather than being preoccupied by these feelings and experiences of ‘need’ (and then all the reactions to that as well) that are not actual needs

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied by the feelings of ‘need’ in my mind, focusing  mentally/emotionally on things that at the end of the day are not actual needs but more formed in thoughts of things I apparently ‘need’ – like I ‘need’ to wear this dress and so I ‘need’ these particular pants so I can wear this dress

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse these feelings and thoughts of apparent need with actual needs

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when its thoughts and feelings it’s not actual needs, its literally just thoughts and thoughts aren’t real

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to breathe and realize that these thoughts that come up in my mind of all these things that I apparently ‘need’, along with all the feelings and experiences, are just thoughts and are not actual needs and are not who I am

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as in my expression and creativity and belief of who I am, to these thoughts and feelings of what I apparently ‘need’, like for instance that I must buy these pants on Amazon because I ‘need’ to wear this dress that these pants would go with and would make it more comfortable for me to wear the dress, wherein I am limiting myself to the idea that ‘I must wear this dress’ because ‘this dress would look good on me’ and therefore ‘I need these pants and must buy them to go with the dress which I must eventually wear’

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be unmoved by thoughts that ‘pop up’ in my mind of what I all of a sudden ‘need’ like an item of clothing, as in to not allow myself to be ‘moved’ into then immediately going online to buy it – moved by that energy of ‘need’/desire/want that comes up in a flash – but to rather breathe and realize that I am not this apparent ‘need’ as it is a thought and an energy which isn’t real as in grounded within physical reality and so I am not defined in and as thoughts and energy

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this ‘need’ in my mind is actually a ‘lack’ – as in an experience of ‘lacking’ something in that moment, a feeling of despair and deprivation, as though I am missing something very important in my life as a hole that I must urgently fill – and that in fact I don’t actually have an ‘urgent need’, I don’t ‘urgently need’ to be able to wear this dress and have these pants and that urgent need is an illusion in and of the mind

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if it was a real need I wouldn’t be able to ‘just let go of it’ and still be fine – if it was a real need then it would be here and physical and present in every moment, not something that just comes up in my mind in moments

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ground myself into the physical when and as this ‘need’ comes up in my mind, as in first getting out of the ‘experience’ of the need so that I can assess in real-time what my actual ‘needs’ are and what actually needs to be done

 

 

When and as this pattern comes up of having a thought along with an energy of something that I apparently ‘need’, then I stop and I breathe – and I see, realize and understand that I am not this thought and I am not this feeling experience of ‘need’ as this is not an actual physical need, it is entirely mental/emotional/energy based which is not what is real and not who I really am

 

I commit myself to ground myself into the physical and unconditionally forgive the thought and energy experience of ‘need’ and to then from that groundedness of and as the physical, assess and reassess what is real and what needs to be done and what is relevant – when and where I am not defined or moved by energy in and of the mind