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Motherhood blues

  So I’m feeling really down and defeated and sad that I can’t spend all day with marie and that for instance I always have to tell her in the morning that ‘I don’t have time’ when she wants to play and that ‘I have to go to work’ and ‘we have to get going’. Its always the same thing and I wish I had more time to spend with her and play with her. Its always so nice in the weekend or on vacation when we get more time together. I remember also feeling so devastated when I went back to work after my maternity leave. Like I was really shaken up and it took me a long time to be stable and to just be emotionally and physically ok. Cause back then I was pumping as well so it just felt so weird and abnormal for me to be sitting in that cold room pumping my breasts when obviously marie should have been there in the place of that pump.   I was so very emotional and felt that everything was wrong. As in everything that is normal and natural has been disrupted and I am expected to d...
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Impulse buying - a QCK perspective using the body as map

  This blister on the inside of my right cheek that’s been really painful for a couple of days is somehow related it looks like with not following through on points. Like kind of saying or ‘committing’ myself to do something but then completely disregarding that commitment and just not doing what I am saying. Like biting my cheek as in not being serious about my own commitments. Letting my impulses and energies in moments run away with me and allowing myself to follow unquestioningly in those moments as I have a ‘thought’ come up related to a point that I did ‘sort of’ create a commitment about with myself that I wasn’t going to do that anymore.   So it’s about points that I halfway am aware are not supportive but am kind of being ‘cheeky’ with myself by still participating behind my own back, because a part of me is asking ‘but why can’t I?’ Part of me doesn’t understand why I can’t do this thing or these things that just make me feel good and is asking ‘what’s the harm...
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Consumerism

  So I got like things ‘coming up’ that I ‘need’. Like for instance now it’s this pants to wear under this dress that I have cause I would like to wear the dress but without those kind of pants I will likely not wear the dress. So I want to make it easier for myself to wear this dress by buying those pants. But now there is this point coming up of like I want to live sustainably and what if what I am doing, as in buying so many products so conveniently from amazon and these online retailers is actually harmful for the environment and what if I am creating consequences that are contributing to the demise of planet earth by consuming too much. And then I get conflicted between my ‘want’ and my ‘conscience’. In the end mostly my ‘want’ wins cause I deem that I do ‘need’ this item that I have been thinking of getting, so also just to get rid of this inner conflict between ‘should I get it’ and ‘shouldn’t I get it’, I just do the thing and get it over with. So then I am satisfied ...
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