Please don't leave me

 

Marie has started saying ‘please don’t leave me’ in an emotional way lately, since maybe a week. This morning again she was really distraught as we were getting ready to head out the door to drop her off and we were talking about going to her friends and mommy going to work. This point seems to randomly come up cause she seemed excited about going to her friend but then got very upset as she said ‘please don’t leave me’ with tears rolling down her cheeks. So I said ok let’s breathe and be calm and be ok. I asked her what does she need right now and we went and got some stuffies for on the way and so we got her to stabilize the emotions but still it’s an odd point that seems to have started about a week ago.

 

It’s taking me aback a little bit cause I don’t understand where this is coming from or even what to do or say to her in those moments cause it seems so random. Like, why would I leave her. I believe there was one moment when we were on vacation with grandma where she saw someone leaving in their car that looked very similar to my car and she must have thought it was me leaving, like I was actually leaving her behind there. It’s odd cause it’s these kind of moments that trigger this fear that is not actually realistic and is very mental/emotional only. Like I had these kind of fears when I was younger and even well into my teenage years where for instance when my parents were taking a longer time to get home from work, I would panic and get really worried that they weren’t coming back. Even in my relationship, it’s a point that doesn’t come up anymore, but I used to experience that feeling of abandonment pretty much every time they went out just to visit a friend for example. These fears are completely unfounded and seem so random because obviously I am not being ‘left behind’. Obviously they are going to return and I am not being ‘abandoned’ or ‘forgotten’. But on a mental/emotional level there’s that perception and belief that that is what is happening or might happen.

 

So how do I address this point that must have activated at some point and must have triggered in a moment of ‘perceiving’ something, like ‘my mommy is leaving me’, when that perception was not even based on the facts of what was happening in that moment? I mean all I can see or say is to ‘stop the fear’. There really is nothing else I can say to direct this point cause nothing would actually make the fear go away. Like “I won’t leave you” or “I’ll always be here” or any other attempt at explaining things won’t work because the point is not real to begin with. The only way to deal with fear is to stop fear, as in to just be like ‘stop it’. Especially when it’s such an obviously delusional point. Just a reminder of who you are and that ‘you are not fear’ and that fear is just an energy so just stop the energy. These delusional points should not be allowed because it will stick around for the rest of your life as some personality design that activates and plays out in your relationships and messes with your sense of independence and self-esteem. Sometimes you just need a firm reminder of reality by being assertive and addressing the fear itself rather than trying to reason with it. Just like “uh-uh, no fear” type of thing, next time it happens; I will try that.